Random Thoughts

I haven't had access to the internet for a while now and sometimes I really do feel like the world's passed me by. Other times I am happy not to have any access, there's some kind of  implied seriousness when you tell you're friends that you're too busy to get online. There's an underlying 'am too mature and too busy for social networks' that's in there somewhere that makes me feel a bit better about my missing out. Either way I do miss blogging or\\and writing notes on Facebook, simply because it got me writing because at the moment I am not writing at all.

So these days I have several disconnected thoughts swimming in my head, begging to come out, and how can I say no to that??

So here goes...

I call it over compensating...

Have you ever noticed that people always seem to try and make up for what they think they have lost in some way even when they really haven't lost anything. I know you're probably confused already but I'll try and give you a picture. Have you ever noticed that a black girl that's dating/is married to a White guy, will probably insist on having her hair natural, wear African print every so often and spend at least half her time talking about how the White man has taken advantage of Africans. Is it me or is it some kind of over compensation because maybe they feel they've lost something by being with someone White? They think they've lost some of their Africanness maybe?? Whatever the reason, I just don't get it!

What is it with Ugandan Arts and Accents?

I m a writer. Yea, l guess I can say that now and of late I've met a bunch of people in the Arts that are so good at what they do, you can't help but admire them. There's just one thing that won't stop bugging me, practically everyone of them has a forced foreign accent. I guess all am asking is, Why do we write poetry about being proud to be African and then recite it in a forced American accent?

It's not your fight to fight

So am sure you've heard of 'The River and the Mountain', the play staged in Uganda about a gay guy and how the playwright was arrested. I don't have full details but apparently his arrest was due to the fact that the play promoted homosexuality. I know that the whole thing with the playwright  getting arrested is supposed to be somehow heroic but why doesn't it seem that way to me. It's not even because I am anti homosexuality, it's more because for me something about it screams trying too hard. Trying to look for something controversial and doing it maybe for attention? Am not sure. Anyways, there's a part in Chimamanda's Half of a Yellow sun where she makes a strong point about who should be telling the African story. Africans, not anyone else. In my opinion if indeed there's a need for this fight that he was trying to fight, it's not his to fight, it's ours.

They said the buildings were temporary...

And so Centenary park went down, and people said "Why did they do that?The buildings were actually temporary!" Well, then no one should mind if they go down, they are TEMPORARY after all!

Enough of my thoughts for now, too sleepy now, hopefully I'll be blogging again soon.

No fancy writing, just my thoughts...

So Ive lived a few years  on this earth, years in which I have acquired a decent amount of wisdom or so I'd like to think. Yet with all these years lived, I still can't understand one thing, why everyone's opinions seem to take center stage in our lives, pushing our very own to the back until they almost cease to exist. Why does it seem like we live for other people and care so little about living for us?

I keep thinking, Why do we think every guy's not good enough, it's not about the high standards we set for ourselves, it's the standards we think other people have set for us. Why do I take extra effort getting ready if I know am meeting a few friends? It's because I care what they think of my appearance. Why will I rethink a post before i put it up on twitter or facebook? It's because I don't want PEOPLE to THINK am uncool or boring or any other negative perception. Why do I feel better every time someone says Ive lost weight yet I  claim not to really care. Why do people's thoughts matter anyway???

So public opinion maybe a way to discover flaws previously not obvious to ourselves but as I have learned, public opinion is usually wrong. I'd back up my argument with an 'Enemy of the People' and everything the book represents. The public doesn't always have the right opinion!

So I guess it's about taking a  concious decision, not to be fake in a bid to get acceptance but simply not caring and being you, whether they take it or leave it!

Television Therapy

Some times I wish I had studied something to do with human emotions. Something like psychology or at least medicine where I would maybe understand the workings of the human brain, instead I studied Economics where the closest you get to feeling anything is sympathy to the several poor you get to study about!

So considering how little I have learnt about emotions, I realise most of what I know about them, I have learnt  off T.V. So I'll share some of my lessons from my best teacher, the television:

1. Time heals pain, nothing else does - How I met your mother, When Ted had just had a break up and they all kept trying to cheer him up, well only time worked!

2. Acknowledge your pain, allow yourself to feel it then move on - Brothers and Sisters. Nora's advice to Kitty when Kitty calls in to her radio show about losing Robert.

3. Revenge can be really cool, seeing someone that hurt you, hurt at least for a while. <Almost every episode of Gossip Girl>

4. Sometimes bad stuff just has to happen - Criminal Minds <Almost every episode here but especially when Hotch loses his ex wife, still feel the pain!>

5. People always say more about what they are feeling with their actions than with their speech. Lie to me - For example someone says 'yes' while they shake their head in a 'No' motion!

Sophia

Trying out my writing again, don't have a title for it yet and all I have is the prologue. Enjoy reading and constructive criticism is encouraged, Enjoy!

Prologue

As she waited, she grew more anxious by the minute. Feet tapping anxiously as though to a quick beat that matched the rhythm her heart was taking. She looked at her palms, everyone said palms got sweaty when you’re scared but hers were as dry as wood, a little too dry actually, she thought making it a point to remember to do something about that. The little bench beneath her seemed to feel harder by the moment. The air was filled with anticipation. Anxiety was something Sophia was used to, or at least she liked to think so, but this was different, this was more anxiety than she could remember ever feeling! She waited, trying hard to stop tapping and then after what seemed like hours the door right in front of her swung open and she saw a seven year old dark girl slowly walk up to her with an elderly woman behind her, urging her to move along despite the little girl’s reluctance. She stood up and grabbed the little girl who was dressed as she had imagined; a pink little dress with a bow in her hair. However, she looked nothing like she had expected, her hair was extremely thick, and she was so dark, darker than any of her parents Sophia thought. Then the elderly woman spoke up “Anita, this is your new mommy, say hallo.” “Hallo” the little girl said and Sophia realized her voice was nothing like she’d expected either; it was meek and lacked any confidence. Sophia smiled at the little girl and said hallo holding the little girl close to her, meeting for the first time, the daughter she never knew she had…

Honesty Quiz

So by the time these notes were going around on facebook, I never posted any, maybe it's time I tried one on my blog:
How it works: Copy & paste into your own note. Replace my answers with yours. BE HONEST.
(EASY Q's.)

1. Will you answer every question honestly?
Think so.

2. Have you ever stayed up all night while drunk or high?
No. I don't take alcohol though I take wine (paradox, I know!)

3. Have you ever punched anyone in the face?
 I wish.

4. Do you miss anything or anyone?
I miss being young and clueless and it's hard to believe but I find it hard to miss people.

5. What makes you laugh no matter what?
How I met your mother.

6. Have you kissed anyone on the lips within the past five hours?
No.

7. Who was the last person u talked to?
Nina

8. What do you dislike at the moment?
People that always compare you to other people.

9. Name one person on your top friends who is the most like you
Pence.

(HARDER Q's.)

1. Do you get butterflies around the guys/girls you like?
No. Ive always thought that only happens in the movies...

2. Do you think it is bad to have sex at your age?
Not bad, just that it depends on so many things.

3. Will you get married?
Hopefully.

4. Will you be doing drugs in the near future?
Umm, not in a million years.

5. Do you lie about your age?
Not yet, but I'm planning on starting soon :)

(VERY PERSONAL Q's.)

1. If you were to have sex right now would you use a condom?
Ummm, think so...

2. Are you happy with yourself?
Most of the time.

3. Would you change yourself for the person you love?
If am changing for the better.

4. What do you tell yourself when times get hard?
It could have been worse!

(SECRETS.)

1. When did you last cry?
About 2 weeks back.

2. Do you believe in religion?
Yes

4. What is currently on your mind?
Finish this quickly so I can watch 'The Apprentice.'

5. Did you ever wish a close friend to death?
No

6. Have you ever made out until you ran out of breath?
No.

Harder qnz

1. Have you done bad things with your parents nearby?
No way!

2. Did you ever fail the school year?
Never.

3. Have you ever done hallucinogenic drugs?
I'll have to google that and get back to you!

4. Have you ever been too drunk to remember a certain night?
No.

5. Do you think your future will be a good one?
Fingers crossed.

(THE DEEP STUFF.)

1. Do you think you were raised well?
Yea.

2. Do you have a secret that you’ve never told ANYONE? -
I don't.

3. How do you handle stress?
I cry, feel sorry for myself, look for someone to talk to, pray...

4. How would you spend your last day alive?
Chilling with the people I love and eating all the junk I can get.

5. Do you hide things well or do you have a guilty conscience?
Guilty conscience.

6. If there was true love on one side of the street and a million bucks on the other, which one would you pick?
True love. Am a romantic...
7. If your parents got divorced and you had to pick mom or dad to live with?
Darn, that's too hard.

8. If you had to choose between having one family member or 5 of your closest friends die who would you choose?
.....................

9. Do you think you could ever forgive someone who murdered a family member?
No

10. What is the worst thing you’ve ever done that your parents DON’T know about?
Iven't done any bad stuff,< mom n dad, u shd be proud>

(THE LOVE STUFF.)

1. Do you think you know the meaning of love?
Not really.

2. The last time you kissed someone…was it someone you see yourself with?
Maybe.

3. Whats the most important part of a relationship in your opinion?
The beginning because ultimately it determines the end.

(THE RANDOM STUFF.)

1. Do you spend time with the same people always.. or new people?
A bit of both.
2. Do you think best friends can be replaced?
No

3. Are you the type that would rather stay at other people’s houses or have them at yours?.
Stay at other people’s houses.

4. When is the last time you were truly happy with your life?
Not so sure.

5. Where was your default face book picture taken?
At work.

6. Do you think long distance relationships are ever really worth it?
Maybe.

7. What is your favorite color?
Have more that one, pink, cream, green, yellow

8. What do you do when you have a bad day?
Distract myself from it.

9. Do you believe exes can really ever be “just friends"?
Probably with time and depending on how close they were before.

10. Who messaged you last?
Mwebaza

11. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?
Yesterday, i think.

12. If you could pack up and leave your life now to move away, would you?
Yea, coz I'm one of those people that's always craving change.

13. Do you fall for people easily?
No

14. Are you quick to start a fight?
No, but I don't back down.
15. Do your parents really know YOU?
Kinda.

16. Lyrics stuck in your head?
Lucky - Jason Mraz n Colbie Caillat

17. Any friends you’d like to tell how much you appreciate them?
Long list, Phyllis, Mwebaza, Zoe, Angela, Jo,  Robert, Caf, Anna, Philo, Martha, Pence, Grace, Marjo, Cindy, Beli, Jet<n if I miss any1 out that knows they belong here, jus knw I appreciate u as well>

28. Last time you walked farther than one block?
Yesterday.

(OFF THE WALL Q's.)

1. What Curse Word Do You Use The Most?
The F word, in my mind

2. Do You Ever Take Medication To Help You Fall Asleep?
No. I sleep like a log, all on my own!

3. Do You Prefer Regular Or Chocolate Milk?
Chocolate any day...

4. Do You Think People Talk About You Behind Your Back?
Yea, It's something so many people like to do.

5. Is Anyone In Love With You?
Hopefully

6. Ever Cry In Public?
So many times.

7. Are You Currently Wanting Any Piercings Or Tattoo?
No. I hate needles.

8. Whats The Weather Like?
Cold and am loving it.

9. Would You Ever Date Anyone Covered In Tattoo?
No.

10. Do You Pay Attention To The Calories In The Package/BoX?
No but I always feel fatter every time I eat junk

11. Do You Use Sarcasm?
Yup.

12. Do you get along better with the same sex or opposite?
Both to the same level.

13. Do You Watch The News?
Very rarely. I don't watch T.V much.
14. How Did You Get One Of Your Scars?
The housemaid put a hot flat iron on my arm.

15. Who was the last person to make you mad?
Can't remember

16. Do You Like Anybody?
No

10 Reasons why I love you

1. I love you because you love me without reason, you just do.
2. I love you because you take life simply, you never complicate anything.
3. I love you because you want to be better, you have the future in mind.
4. I love you because your not against change, you embrace it.
5. I love you because your good looking, beauty doesn't have to be only skin deep.
6. I love you because your different from what I knew in my past, means that I don't have to stick to the same old boring stuff, I have you to change my routine.
7. I love you because we have been through so much together.
8. I love you because you are my friend. A word i use very carefully.
9. I love you because your so sweet
10. And mostly, I love you because you loved me from the first time you saw me.

Following Oprah's advice

I was watching Oprah's 20th Anniversary collection of her best shows and there's this one where she talks about keeping a gratitude diary. With a gratitude diary your supposed to write five things your grateful for everyday, and if there more than five, that's even better. The idea is that even when you have a lousy day you end up focusing on looking for the best things in your day and therefore focusing on the positive. On the show there was a couple that had been married 40 years, they started gratitude diaries for each other and from the time they started writing them, it brought the best out of both of them. So, following Oprah's advice, I will write my own gratitude diary, for umm yesterday:

1. I am grateful that I managed to complete the work that has been bugging me for a while and handed it in and now am free.
2. I am grateful that there's someone that cares even though am really difficult to handle sometimes.
3. I am grateful that after looking for a job for so long, I have one.
4. I am grateful that I can always go home to dependable TV shows that take away the loneliness I would otherwise feel.
5. I am grateful that I have new stuff cause my birthday was Sunday.

Ok, the list wasn't as easy to make as I expected but there's a start and there's many more to come.